by Blue Oak Admin | Sep 28, 2015 | Grief, trauma
Everyone hopes to avoid the worst life has to offer—illness, loss and violence. Unfortunately, very few of us get through unscathed. These events inevitably cause great suffering, but they can also be a catalyst for positive change. Therapists who work with trauma survivors have long observed and accepted this notion, but research scientists are now more seriously exploring the phenomenon. The phrase “post-traumatic growth” was coined by psychologists Richard Tedeshi and Lawrence Calhoun, who asked over 600 survivors how trauma changed their lives. Most reported negative effects. But to their surprise, a majority also reported positive outcomes. They described improved sense of self, deeper interpersonal relationships and a reorientation toward more fulfilling goals. This does not mean that trauma is not also destructive and distressing. When life’s challenges come to call, our first thought is rarely, “How can I grow from this?” In the face of seemingly insurmountable struggle and pain, most of us will naturally respond, “How will I survive this?” or even, “Do I want to?” Perhaps the most encouraging discovery about post-traumatic growth is that optimism is not a requirement; a relief given that it can feel impossible, irritating or triggering to be told to focus on the positive after a traumatic experience. Indeed, as Tedeshi and Calhoun write in The Handbook of Post-Traumatic Growth, Research and Practice, “the struggle to find new meaning in the aftermath of the trauma is crucial to positive psychological growth, as well as the acceptance that personal distress and growth can coexist, and often do, while these new meanings are crafted” (Tedeschi & Calhoun 2006). Trauma survivors who experience post-traumatic...
by Blue Oak Admin | Aug 20, 2015 | Grief
In our culture, death and grieving happen behind closed doors. We will all experience the death of a close loved one in our lives—and yet, the thought makes us deeply uncomfortable. We’d rather brush it aside until we have no choice in the matter. When the day finally comes, our grief is very real, present, and can be devastating. It is not simply something one “gets over” or moves through easily. There is no right way to deal with grief. Everyone grieves, yes, but everyone grieves in their own way. Along with less tangible responses like sadness, anger, and painful memories, grieving can also include physical symptoms, like difficulty sleeping and loss of appetite. Those experiencing the most intense forms of grief may even undergo neuropsychological changes affecting memory or regulation of emotions. Put simply, hiding from grief does not ease its passage. In a culture that does so little to prepare us for grief, the first step is to recognize it has a valuable part to play in death. Grief is a healthy psychological response to loss. In her recent article, “When Grief Won’t Relent” Jane Brody writes, “Grief is a normal human reaction, not a disease, and there is no one right way to get through it.” And this is where therapy can help. Therapy can normalize grief—in a cultural context where it may seem anything but normal—and it can provide a safe place to talk when no one else can or will. Ultimately, grief has its own timetable, but by opening space to grieve, we can deepen our experience and lean in when things are hardest....
