There’s No ‘Getting Over’ Grief—It Has Its Own Timetable
In our culture, death and grieving happen behind closed doors. We will all experience the death of a close loved one in our lives—and yet, the thought makes us deeply uncomfortable. We’d rather brush it aside until we have no choice in the matter. When the day finally comes, our grief is very real, present, and can be devastating. It is not simply something one “gets over” or moves through easily. There is no right way to deal with grief. Everyone grieves, yes, but everyone grieves in their own way. Along with less tangible responses like sadness, anger, and painful memories, grieving can also include physical symptoms, like difficulty sleeping and loss of appetite. Those experiencing the most intense forms of grief may even undergo neuropsychological changes affecting memory or regulation of emotions. Put simply, hiding from grief does not ease its passage. In a culture that does so little to prepare us for grief, the first step is to recognize it has a valuable part to play in death. Grief is a healthy psychological response to loss. In her recent article, “When Grief Won’t Relent” Jane Brody writes, “Grief is a normal human reaction, not a disease, and there is no one right way to get through it.” And this is where therapy can help. Therapy can normalize grief—in a cultural context where it may seem anything but normal—and it can provide a safe place to talk when no one else can or will. Ultimately, grief has its own timetable, but by opening space to grieve, we can deepen our experience and lean in when things are hardest....On Obergefell v. Hodges and mental health…
Although the Supreme Court ruling on Obergefell v. Hodges occurred nearly a month ago, I still find myself thinking about the decision every day. When I first read that the right to marry now extended to all people in all states, I felt elated and a bit like I was dreaming. The spirit of celebration that followed was affirming, cathartic, beautiful. I thought of those whose collective suffering led to this movement. I thought of children who could now be born into a norm of marriage equality. And, I thought about my therapy clients. Psychotherapy is meant to address the mental health needs of not only the people who seek it, but also of the society in which we live. In Justice Kennedy’s written opinion, he reminds us that homosexuality had been considered a diagnosable mental disorder until 1973 (and was not completely removed from the DSM until the mid 80s!). Just as Kennedy argued that the law must adapt to meet the needs of a changing society, so too must our understanding of mental health. In my opinion, both took too long to evolve here. As an intern therapist, I consider this decision to be a humbling reminder that we mental health practitioners must tirelessly work to serve all people who are being marginalized. Today, I am thankful that I have never had to practice therapy in a day when someone’s sexual orientation would be viewed as an illness. My joyful tasks now include helping clients integrate the meaning of this new marriage acceptance, grieve the too-recent days in which their love and identity were invalidated, and cope...